Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest
element
yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving
it
an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are

surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be
detected,
because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would
normally
take less than a second to take from four days to four years to
complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; It does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's
mass
will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause
more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical level of
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical
morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an
element
that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.

Go figure